Parrot Head Self-Help

By Paula Renaye

Okay, technically, I'm going to talk about Self-Help Parrots, because really, there is no help--self or otherwise--for Parrot Heads, except for maybe seeing Jimmy Buffett live in concert, which I did last week!
The arena was packed with 14,000 fans, and from the roar of us singing along, it was clear that most of us knew the songs by heart. Yes, we knew the words and could sing along, but we hadn't lived the life it took to be able to write those songs. No matter how many song lyrics we memorized, unless we all changed our lives to fit the words--and gained our own insights and wisdom in the process--we were destined to be parrots. 

I'm good with that. I don't pretend I know what he knows or have experienced what he's experienced. But in the self-improvement area, a lot of people do just that. We read and study and think we have it all figured out and are happy to share our newfound certainties of how life is. 

You probably know some folks who always have the perfect solution for every problem. They rattle off their pearls of wisdom with conviction and confidence, certain they know what's best for someone else. But do they really? Are they a walking example of how they've transformed their own lives or are they just self-help parrots? 

In my experience, the more someone is certain they know what's best for you, the less likely it is that they actually do--and odds are they aren't a living example of their own grand advice either. I know I certainly learned the words to say long before I could live them. I was a deliberate Parrot Head and an unwitting parrot.

People who have lived past the parrot stage know they don't have absolute answers for anyone else--they can't. They can offer an objective assessment of the situation and provide suggestions accordingly based on the information available and their own experiences. But, they can't ever know everything you know--about you or your situation--and they won't assume they do. They aren't there to tell you what to do, but help you find your own solutions, because those are the only ones that ever work anyway.

As Jimmy Buffett sings in Great Heart, "The world is full of strange behavior. Every man has to be his own savior."

So, be patient with the Self-Help Parrots--and yourself. We can talk a good game long before we can actually live it.

Cheers! PS: I posted some photos of the concert on my Facebook page if you want to take a peek.

* * * *

Paula Renaye is a motivational speaker and Winner of Four National Book Awards for her no-nonsense personal development guide, The Hardline Self Help Handbook. Whether it is a relationship, career or health challenge, Hardline guides you step by step to your own solutions. http://hardlineselfhelp.com

What you might not know is that Paula is also a literary-award-winning mystery author as well, writing as Paula Boyd. The first book in the Jolene Jackson Mystery Series, Hot Enough to Kill, is currently ranked #20 In Mystery Women Sleuths on Kindle and #381 in the entire Kindle Store. It's only 99 cents so get your copy now!

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8 Very Special Gifts

Author Unknown

The Gift Of Listening But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.

The Gift Of Affection Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and holds. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.

The Gift Of Laughter Clip cartoons. Share articles and funny stories. Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."

The Gift Of A Written Note It can be a simple "Thanks for the help" note or a full sonnet. A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life.

The Gift Of A Compliment A simple and sincere, "You look great in red," "You did a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal" can make someone's day.

The Gift Of A Favour Everyday, go out of your way to do something kind.

The Gift Of Solitude There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.

The Gift Of A Cheerful Disposition The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone, really it's not that hard to say, Hello or Thank You.

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It's Dark In Here

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet as well.

Inside the closet,the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," the man replies.

"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.

"No thanks," the man replies.

"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.

"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he's in.

"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.

"Yes, it is," replies the man.

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.

"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS? That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

To which the priest exclaims, "Don't you start that crap in here."

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Running from Fear & Choosing to Fail

By Paula Renaye

For some people, running from fear and choosing to fail are "easier" than the alternative. Some people will unconsciously sabotage things so they don't have to consciously face the thoughts, feelings and fears that come up because of them.

Now, you ask, who in the world would deliberately want to keep their fears? And seriously, who would rather fail than succeed?

Turns out, a lot of people--maybe even you. Yes, really, and you may not even realize it.

I've written about the Food Network's Restaurant Impossible show before, but after watching a particular episode the other night, I just had to talk about it again.

On this particular show, the restaurant was essentially just as it had been when it opened thirty years before in both looks and operations. Business had been good for a number of years, but as the times changed, the owner didn't, and he was now weeks away from losing the business, his home and maybe even his family.
When Chef Robert Irvine came in with some serious tough love and a radical plan to turn things around, the owner was shocked and devastated. He knew things needed to change, but had somehow missed the whole concept of what that would mean. Like many of us, he was willing to do "anything" to make things work as long as things were exactly the way he wanted and he didn't have to change.

The problems with the restaurant became very clear very quickly, and there was only one common denominator--the owner. Facing the cold, hard fact that he was the problem--that what he was doing was outdated and ineffective--was more than his pride could take.

He became a bit belligerent and dug his heels in, determined to continue doing what he was doing rather than to look in the mirror, own his shortcomings and make changes. It was "easier" to allow his restaurant to fail because it gave his pride a way out. He could find a hundred reasons why the failure wasn't his fault--the economy, the competition, ignorance of the community, anything at all--and still hold his head up. He would have a legitimate excuse that people would accept and he'd never ever have to face the real reason his business had failed--himself.

It hurt to hear the truth about his business and himself--hurt badly--and he very nearly cracked under the pressure of having to face it. I can relate. And really, who amongst us, at one time or another, hasn't pretended things were okay rather than face the truth? Who hasn't wanted to avoid having to admit that we're the problem? Who hasn't been willing to do just about anything rather than look in the mirror, open up our wounds and admit we need to make changes?

People do this in relationships too and don't even realize it. It's easier to sabotage the relationship with unacceptable behaviors so the other person will break things off rather than face the thoughts, feelings and fears that come up. 

Obviously, in both cases--in all cases--the answer is facing the very thing you don't want to. You have to face that part that seems so ugly you can't stand to look at it. You have to own those unpleasant thoughts that you work so hard to keep under wraps. You have to allow the feelings and fears to come up and show themselves fully so you know your own truth. It's the only way.

And once you get past the initial shock of it all--once you admit the very last thing you wanted to admit--it gets easier, maybe even fun. Because once you own those thoughts, feelings and fears, they no longer own you.

In fact, once you get the hang of talking about how you feel and why, the world seems to burst open with new possibilities--not to mention joy. You'll be amazed at how your life changes when it no longer revolves around running from your fears.

Like the restaurant owner in the show, once you push through the pain and do what you thought you never could, your world changes forever--for the good. Always for the good!
And you might just find yourself really and truly happy!

 ***

Want a little help to get to the bottom of your own fears and limiting beliefs? Download The Hardline Self Help Handbook and a printable workbook for only $12 here and get going! Also available on amazon.com and other major retailers.


Paula Renaye is a certified professional coach, motivational speaker and author of The Hardline Self Help Handbook, which has won FOUR National Book Awards! If you're looking for a step-by-step, tell-me-what-to-do guide to head your life in the direction you really want, get the book and get started now!

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