A Coupon Called Hope

By Pandora Poikilos

As surgery looms even closer, my thoughts drift from past to present to future and then sometimes I get jumbled up between all three wondering why I have so many questions and so little answers. Yet, I know the best thing to do is to have faith and hope in the knowledge that everything will work out for the best as it always does.

One thing I know for sure that the memories that keep replaying in my head are not that of everything miserable that has happened or the ones who made it so, instead my thoughts are occupied with moments of laughter, joy, support and most of all, hope.

Support Beams
There will always be family and friends in all our lives, and then of course, some friends who become like family. Forget about the ones who've gone out of their way to hurt you just because they can by any means they can. Some people realise too late that hurting people is not part of the journey to becoming 'rich'. Remember instead the voice that says, "You have to take this strong. You've made it so far, this is not going to stop you. You'll be fine, and better." Remember the encouragement you received when you kept asking "Why did this have to happen to me?" in the words that said, "Sometimes we need to fall from the clouds to the ground to see the road ahead." Even remember the ones who take every possible opportunity to tell you what they like about your work, be it your writing, your craft or anything you do and the ones who have no issues at all about shuttling you to and fro from hospital, on a regular basis. Remember their encouragement because it's their way of saying "We love you as you are and we don't want to change you. You have your own talents, use them to the best you can. We love that about you." Yes, you won't hear these things from every person that crosses your path but you'll have the few essential support beams to hold you strong and will give you the feeling that you can't give up on yourself for the simple reason, they haven't given up on you.

Peas and Carrots
The next time someone says love comes in unexpected places from the most unexpected situations, don't laugh. Because it does. It may be not everything you want or in the situation you want but it'll be what you need the most. It'll be the gentle voice that tells you brain surgery is not a walk in the park but he has no qualms about taking the journey with you. It'll be the soothing reassurance as you're about to bawl your eyes out that things will be fine and he's not giving up just because you feel like it. Even as you worry about having to go bald or scars, he'll say hair grows back and scars will heal. Mostly, he'll take every opportunity he can, across the miles or not, to say he loves you. Laughingly he'll say, the both of you are like peas and carrots, and it doesn't matter that your quirky differences make you the way you are, its what he likes about you. He'll wear his heart on his sleeve and be patient when you're having a bad day, listening to you rant just so you can feel better or just in giving you the simple consolation that you have someone to talk to at the end of each day who understands you.

Small Miracles
Children are proof that God gives us daily miracles. They come in complete bundles of questions, discoveries and a flurry of activity. I haven't been fortunate enough to have my own but I know nothing tops the feeling of having a little nose rubbing against yours or the little hands that holds yours thinking they are holding it because they need comfort when in fact, it is you who is being comforted. Yes, you'll laugh when they refer to you as the fairy godmother who helps to build an imaginary house from cushions or when they ask to make purple Christmas ornaments for an orange Christmas tree but these are the memories they will offer you without realising how much their antics actually mean to you.

Medicine Man
When faced with a perplexing medical condition, we all hope for a miracle, in any form. We want a cure, we want to be healed but most of all we just want it to go away so our lives can go back to 'normal'. Sometimes we are faced with doctors and nurses who think of us as just another patient with just another condition. They are so engrossed in the technicalities involved, they forget that you have feelings, that you're capable of worry or that you need comfort in knowing, having the condition you are having, you are normal. But don't despair. Everyone is different and I've realised that soon enough. I've been blessed with doctors and nurses who don't grimace at what I have and instead gently pat my hand before a lumbar puncture, a neurologist who takes the time to follow up on how I am doing, a neurosurgeon who calls personally when confirming surgery matters and the ones who do the most important task of all, they listen. So, yes, believe what you must about modern medicine but know this, there really are people who still think medicine is about healing people and that their talent is not another way to tap into wealth.

My w.Rites
Having already had my work published before, I know the amazing feel you can get from the simple acknowledgment that someone has read your work and likes it. And now, reading the feedback and comments coming from readers of Peace from Pieces, this has been so much more a coupon of hope than anyone would know. For those who've taken the time in posting their comments, sharing, Tweeting, Liking on Facebook or in simply reading, I thank you because knowing I've been able to touch your life in some way will be something I carry with me, in a very good way and it offers me hope to come back from surgery with more things to share.

So you see, I'm no expert with a decorated wall of certificates but I can tell you, hospital beds and risky surgeries are not about fear or worry, it resembles hope in things and of people yet to come. It is the sense of appreciation for the best things you have close to your hearts despite the worst of moments. It isn't about rediscovering old hurts, its about realising the inner strength you have in yourself held together with people who love you. I have been fortunate to be blessed with these little memories that represent my coupon of hope which I will hold dear when lying on a hospital bed and my prayer for you is that if you ever have to face something even remotely similar, you'll be blessed with the same.