Breathing In Forgiveness & Love

By Pandora Poikilos

Every once in awhile in life, we all have to do something because we have to. It's not about what we want or how we would like it to be, it simply has to be done because it needs to be done. Most times, this will be a task that surpasses normal and not many people would choose to understand. But, done it must.

So, here I am, counting down to my brain surgery listening to Chris Daughtry's Tennessee Line, my thoughts being echoed in the lines - "I open my lungs to breathe in forgiveness and love, Tell me how to make right every wrong turn that I've learned so this can all end tonight." I've tried turning it all around, it's a small surgery, it's just a routine procedure, it's not necesarily a brain surgery but when a neurosurgeon sits down and talks about the risks and procedures of being in surgery, there's no other way of calling it, is there?

It's been seven, very long years getting to where I am, I've made loads of mistakes, I've evaded, I've risked it all, I've met the best of people and seen the worst of characters, I've traveled and I've done more than most people my age would do, do I have regrets? A few. There are some what ifs and a few should have beens but mostly, I've given it my best in the hopes that I've at least got a few things right along the way. As it gets nearer to surgery, I completely understand the phrase, there's more to life. Life isn't about the latest gadget from Apple or that delicious rumour that's on Facebook, it's about five sentences that make the worst of moments in life seem so much better than what it actually looks like.

I Love You
The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they've been the happiest ones, they are the best relationships because they've stayed strong through the most tormentful storms and held hands during the best springs. These are the relationships between friends who have stayed when the rest of the world walked out or the family who held you close and said, it doesn't matter what they say, this is something we will get through - together, because there are no limits to how much we love you. And when these people say, I Love You, it's not because they have to, it's not because they could not order you roses from the best florist or they needed to say something to fill a void in conversation, it's because it's just that, Love, with no conditions, no smokescreens, just pure transparent, unconditional love, given when you need it the most. As the Swedish proverb goes, Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.

Everything will be alright
Nobody knows anything for sure. There are no plans we can make with a 100% guarantee that they will go exactly as planned as yet another proverb goes, If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. The riskiest of surgeries can churn out the best of results while the least uncomplicated surgeries can result in the most severe results but you'd be surprised the magic these four words can do. It doesn't matter that you're worried. You're worried about the surgery, imagine what the person going through the surgery or the doctors may be feeling. These four words work as hope for you and for the person receiving the surgery. And no, until confronted with exactly the opposite, you cannot believe otherwise. Hope is not something you give up on, ever.

I forgive you & I'm sorry
Show me a perfect person and I'll make you the perfect snow flake. We all love to think that we've made the best decisions and did it by the book. Truth be told, no matter how right we wanted to be, we all make mistakes. Period. Sometimes intentionally by our own doing and sometimes unintentionally when confronted with circumstances that life has to offer. But these are not the times to be holding on to past hurts or pointing fingers. It is purely a time for letting go, for good. This is the best time to not only set aside your differences but to lock them up and throw away the key because very simply put, you may never have the chance again. Being positive is necessary, being realistic is next in line. It may not be the easiest task in the world but done, it must or you'll know what it likes to wake up every morning with your first thought being, I should have done more.

We'll see you before
I remember telling someone that I'd make it a point to come visit after recovering from my surgery, she answered with, There's no reason not to come before, as well. I meant it in a way that I'd have something to look forward too after surgery but I also understand what she meant. Why hold it off? This is not about creating a bucket list and ticking off the most you can do before surgery or even keeping a list of things you'd want to look forward to doing after surgery, it's simply doing the most that you can before. Lists are great as guidelines but no list can ever express the laughs you can share or those hugs that can make this big step in life a little less terrifying but mostly it will show you the people that mean most to you and vice versa. While everyone cannot be physically present, geographical distance and time is nowadays what we want it to be and telephones do after all, work both ways, no question about it. The question that remains is only, how much effort will we each make?