By Paula Renaye
Why is it that people who are unhappy with their relationships, hate their jobs or just feel victimized by life in general are the ones who will argue vehemently to keep things as they are?
Fear, of course. Plain old fear. At the bottom of all the complaints, confusion and complacency is fear. What if there isn't anything better for me? What if I can't find another job or another mate? What if people reject or abandon me? What if I wind up alone and with nothing? What then?
A lot of people I talk to have some form of that kind of thinking. They believe any change means things will automatically get worse. They may be miserable, but it's easier and safer to put up with the situation than risk changing it.
Just like that little frog in the picture, they're hanging on to something that will ultimately kill them, but they won't let go. It might not be great, but it's familiar and tolerable--at least tolerable enough--which the unknown is not.
As you know from reading my books and blog, that's the program I was on for decades. And when you do that--when you have that kind of mindset--you create a pattern of "not doing." You get in a rut and limit yourself as a way of coping. My pattern was, "If I don't do X then won't do Y." I had things I wanted to do and be, but they would rock the boat and I couldn't have that. So, I didn't do.
It was easier and safer to pull back and let down than to let go and leap forward.
So, how do we talk ourselves into doing what we know we need to do even though it scares us to our very core?
We start paying attention to our thoughts, words and actions. Yes, you've heard me say it a million times, but have you done it? If you're feeling stuck, complacent, angry, resentful, victimized or just plain unhappy, you haven't--at least not enough.
You have the answers you need, you just have to take the time to uncover them--and be willing to hear what they're really saying. Listen for phrases such as: I can't; I always; I never, You don't understand; It won't work; Yes, but; I hate; and the like. When you hear yourself say one stop and start digging into what's really going on and why.
Listen to your complaints. What do you talk about that's bad in your life? How do you talk about it? Are you venting to help tolerate it or are you looking for solutions to change it?
If you hate your life--or any part of it--start figuring out why. You don't have to just tolerate and get by, wishing and hoping things will get better. You can live a life you love--if you're willing to do what it takes.
Start right now by saying--out loud and with passion--"I love my life! My life is my choice and I love it!" Even if that's the last thing you're feeling at the moment, do it and keep doing it. You'll either start seeing the things you hate in a different way, or you'll set up such a mental dissonance that you'll have no choice but to get busy changing things to fit your new belief.
Look at that little frog in the picture again. From our viewpoint, it's so easy to see what he should do. Get that viewpoint on your own life. Do what you know you need to. Let go of what's holding you back and leap into joy!
Say it again with me one more time….
I love my life!
* * * * *
Paula Renaye is The Tough Love BFF Coach, empowerment speaker and five-time award-winning author. Her new book, Living the Life You Love--The No-Nonsense Guide to Total Transformation will be in stores in September. Read more at http://paularenaye.com
0 comments:
Post a Comment