Who Would You Be If You Weren't Afraid?

By Paula Renaye

Who would you be if you weren't afraid?

Now, your first response to that question may be that you're not afraid and how dare I suggest that you are. Well, here's my response to that: we are all afraid of something--and sometimes a lot of somethings. And, most of the time we don't consciously recognize how much influence those fears have over our lives.

I knew a man through business associations who was fairly successful on the professional side of things, but like many of us not so great on the emotional maturity side. In fact, his fears and limiting beliefs ruled every moment of his life. He told me that he knew that from the moment he got up in the morning he was going to be tempted to do bad things and that he had to stay on alert at all times to watch out for them.

Now, as a coach and tough love author--not to mention to perpetual student of human behavior--I was absolutely fascinated by his words. On the one hand, I could say that I too stay consciously on alert; that I monitor my thoughts, words and actions so that I can identify things I need to change. But his approach wasn't on that same page. For him, there was nothing that needed to be changed; the world was simply a fearful place filled with all kinds of things that could lead him to the dark side. Consequently, he always found what he was looking for.

When I talked with him further about it, I realized how deeply his fears ran--and how important they were for him to keep. He wasn't interested getting to the root of the belief and changing it to something that empowered him, because his whole life--and "goodness"--required it. Without that belief mechanism in place, he was absolutely certain that he would do "bad" things. 

I gently asked if he might consider looking for good; that perhaps he could shift his belief to "I am always tempted to do good" or "good lurks behind every corner" or something similar. He thought about it for a moment and I saw the light bulb go on, but as he processed it through the rest of belief system he shut it back off. No, he couldn’t do that, he said. He had to stay focused and aware that there were bad things in the world so they wouldn't sneak up on him.

Now, this example may seem extreme, but we all do this same thing to one degree or another. And, it often sets up a paradoxical situation: The very belief we need to change to be happy is the one our subconscious mind believes we cannot live without. 

Who would you be without the limiting beliefs you argue most vehemently to keep?

Who would you be without your fears?

Find out!

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Paula Renaye is tough love motivational speaker, certified professional coach and author of the multi-award-winning self-empowerment guide, The Hardline Self Help Handbook, which is on sale for the holidays now at most retailers. Her Tweet-able Tough Love Quotes book is available free for a limited time. Visit http://hardlineselfhelp.com for more information and tips.