How Are You?

By Pandora Poikilos

Grief visited a friend last week. It isn't a moment I can freely share because the loss is not mine but by the look of things, grief has packed more than an overnight bag. Grief's timing will never cease to amaze me. Just when you are on the brink of thinking "it is all well", she will be the unwanted visitor in your home, sitting by your side. I've spent hours and now days thinking of this loss and putting myself in this friend's shoes, it isn't going to be easy.

Grief's visit also made me think of all the relationships we take for granted, online and offline. I do my best to keep in touch with as many of my readers and online friends as I can. But 24 hours in a day is often never enough to reach out to everyone.

We take pride in sharing a lot of online stories, rumours and situations and yet, we find the simplest question of "How are you?" a bit of a chore. Of course, if you ask five different people, you will end up with five different answers. Sometimes, it takes too much time to digest someone else's responses and to think of a subsequent response. But if you do not share a little bit of each other's lives, what is your friendship based on?

I've made it a practise of mine to reach out to three different people everyday. I ask "How are you?", we exchange current happenings and we chit chat a little more. I had been doing this for a few months when the full impact of what I was doing actually hit me.

I had asked an online friend this question and he responded that he had been feeling down. We talked about random nothings and we exchanged directions about our individual crossroads. Then it was a new day and I had three more people to connect with. That morning I was greeted with a message from him and it is one I will treasure for a long time - I'm not sure you realize how much I needed someone today. I needed someone to care about me, and you did! 

I cannot recommend a fix and I cannot tell you how to go about your day. What I can tell you is that I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, and you can join me if you like - the next time you're about to connect with someone, reach out and listen. You'll be surprised at what "How are you?" can actually mean to someone.

Love and light.