For some people, running from fear and choosing to fail are "easier" than the alternative. Some people will unconsciously sabotage things so they don't have to consciously face the thoughts, feelings and fears that come up because of them.
Now, you ask, who in the world would deliberately want to keep their fears? And seriously, who would rather fail than succeed?
Turns out, a lot of people--maybe even you. Yes, really, and you may not even realize it.
I've written about the Food Network's Restaurant Impossible show before, but after watching a particular episode the other night, I just had to talk about it again.
On this particular show, the restaurant was essentially just as it had been when it opened thirty years before in both looks and operations. Business had been good for a number of years, but as the times changed, the owner didn't, and he was now weeks away from losing the business, his home and maybe even his family.
When Chef Robert Irvine came in with some serious tough love and a radical plan to turn things around, the owner was shocked and devastated. He knew things needed to change, but had somehow missed the whole concept of what that would mean. Like many of us, he was willing to do "anything" to make things work as long as things were exactly the way he wanted and he didn't have to change.
The problems with the restaurant became very clear very quickly, and there was only one common denominator--the owner. Facing the cold, hard fact that he was the problem--that what he was doing was outdated and ineffective--was more than his pride could take.
He became a bit belligerent and dug his heels in, determined to continue doing what he was doing rather than to look in the mirror, own his shortcomings and make changes. It was "easier" to allow his restaurant to fail because it gave his pride a way out. He could find a hundred reasons why the failure wasn't his fault--the economy, the competition, ignorance of the community, anything at all--and still hold his head up. He would have a legitimate excuse that people would accept and he'd never ever have to face the real reason his business had failed--himself.
It hurt to hear the truth about his business and himself--hurt badly--and he very nearly cracked under the pressure of having to face it. I can relate. And really, who amongst us, at one time or another, hasn't pretended things were okay rather than face the truth? Who hasn't wanted to avoid having to admit that we're the problem? Who hasn't been willing to do just about anything rather than look in the mirror, open up our wounds and admit we need to make changes?
People do this in relationships too and don't even realize it. It's easier to sabotage the relationship with unacceptable behaviors so the other person will break things off rather than face the thoughts, feelings and fears that come up.
Obviously, in both cases--in all cases--the answer is facing the very thing you don't want to. You have to face that part that seems so ugly you can't stand to look at it. You have to own those unpleasant thoughts that you work so hard to keep under wraps. You have to allow the feelings and fears to come up and show themselves fully so you know your own truth. It's the only way.
And once you get past the initial shock of it all--once you admit the very last thing you wanted to admit--it gets easier, maybe even fun. Because once you own those thoughts, feelings and fears, they no longer own you.
In fact, once you get the hang of talking about how you feel and why, the world seems to burst open with new possibilities--not to mention joy. You'll be amazed at how your life changes when it no longer revolves around running from your fears.
Like the restaurant owner in the show, once you push through the pain and do what you thought you never could, your world changes forever--for the good. Always for the good!
And you might just find yourself really and truly happy!
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Want a little help to get to the bottom of your own fears and limiting beliefs? Download The Hardline Self Help Handbook and a printable workbook for only $12 here and get going! Also available on amazon.com and other major retailers.Paula Renaye is a certified professional coach, motivational speaker and author of The Hardline Self Help Handbook, which has won FOUR National Book Awards! If you're looking for a step-by-step, tell-me-what-to-do guide to head your life in the direction you really want, get the book and get started now!
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