If you’re a fan of the band Boston or grew up in the 70s, you probably can’t read the words “more than a feeling” and not hear the tune in your head--one automatically leads to the other. It’s the same with feelings and thoughts--they are linked together even if you don’t consciously realize it.
For example, it makes perfect sense that you’d feel anger when the boss praises the resident brown-noser, who does absolutely nothing, for being the hardest worker of the group. But, what’s going on besides the obvious? What’s the deeper meaning for you?
Well, you may think the situation is horribly unfair and unjust, and if you had a decent boss, you’d be the one getting the kudos because you’re the one doing the hard work. You might also think that since you won’t stoop to being a suck-up, the boss is never going to notice you and you'll never get ahead, so why even try.
There are all kinds of possibilities for why you feel as you do, but if you haven't taken the time to really think about it, you don't really know. And it's critical that you do, because if you don't, you will spend your life trying to find ways to tolerate a situation that could possibly be handled differently.
Start by asking yourself if your boss’ actions are somehow validating a limiting belief you have about yourself. Is there a part of you that feels less than? Do you believe that everybody is miserable in their job? Do you believe you'll never get ahead no matter what you do? What are your beliefs about success? Do you believe that the only people who get ahead are the ones who lie, cheat, steal or don't work for it? How does what you’re feeling and thinking support your self-worth? How do you take personal responsibility for the way things are in your life--including the fact that you work for a boss who’s an immature jerk?
When you have a strong emotional reaction to something, there's a reason--it is more than a feeling--or at least more than the first reactive one. So, when you feel it, follow it and find out what’s really going on--find the belief that's creating your reaction. You might be surprised to discover it's a belief that's only true if you make it so.
You have no control over what someone else does. You only have control over what you think, believe and do. And that is an amazing power. Own it!
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Paula Renaye is a certified professional coach, motivational speaker and award-winning author. Paula's passion is helping women transform the trauma and turmoil of divorce into a profound awakening of self and life purpose. http://paularenaye.com
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