But I Have To ...

5 Choices You Choose To Make
By Pandora Poikilos

If I had a dime for every time I heard, "but I have to do this and I have to do that", I'd be so rich, I'd probably be Richard Branson's neighbour on that island of his. When we simmer it down to the hard cold facts, truth is, none of us "have to" do anything. We don't have to get out of bed in the morning because our kids or spouse needs breakfast, we choose to do it. We don't have to go slog at a job we sometimes hate, we choose to do that too. Yes, it is a choice. Don't get out of bed, don't go to work, can you live with the results of what happens? See, essentially that's the issue. Most of us are so caught up with what other people think we lose sight in what we want to do and in what actually needs to be done.

For instance, two Stanford students didn't have to put in extra effort on their research project but Larry Page and Sergey Brin did, and we got Google. A man fired from the company he started who went on to create an animation company, didn't have to face the world again but he did. Steve Jobs rejoined Apple after starting Pixar and so we have the iPhone (not to mention Toy Story, Finding Nemo and the rest of that troop) and of course, no adult had to create a cartoon character but Walt Disney did after losing the rights to Oswald The Lucky Rabbit and so since 18 November 1928, Mickey Mouse has been common ground to children all around the world. All of these people and more are given the same number of hours as you and I, what makes them different?

There is no time
Here's a laugh. Ideally, we need eight hours of sleep and three main meals a day. All in, this would give us a balance of say, 14 hours a day. So, let's say there's work for another eight hours so that gives us a balance of six hours. Plus, minus the commuting, traffic and over time, we may end up with three hours. What can we do in three hours? It takes about two minutes to say, "I'm thinking of you" or "I love you", it takes say 10 minutes (with the slowest of internet connections) to send out a birthday or greeting card for loved ones and it takes even less, to pick up the phone and wish the person or just say, "hello". Should we be supporting a charity or working at a cause, this will maybe take another hour to get more support, to do a bit more reaching out so that still gives us another hour, brimming with 60 minutes. What then?

Let's do it tomorrow
Procrastination is the foundation of all disasters. We're always telling ourselves we want to be ahead, we want to be ready for what comes our way. But come a favourite tv show or a gossip filled phone call from a friend, all urges to forge ahead go flying out the window. Very dramatic I know but unfortunately that just how it is for most people. We're all guilty of it at some point. But the more you put off something the more it'll roll itself into a ball and appear as an avalanche heading straight for you and by then, there's no escaping the disastrous effects it will bring. We chide ourselves by saying the diversions we entertained was what we "had to" do. But seriously, why does anyone "have to" spend at least 20 minutes talking about what the neighbour's friend's daughter wore to a dinner.

It's polite
For most of the mistakes I've made in life, this is probably my biggest and most repeated. I have made myself accustomed to being the "yes" person, to being split and ready to help all five or more people who come to me seeking assistance, until I realised in the end, the person I was helping the least was myself. Saying "yes" every single time is not being polite, it's being overly accommodating and allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. There is no rule book that says you "have to" help or "have to say yes" to everyone that comes your way. You do this because you want to, even if you do not admit it to yourself. Be it from a cultural perspective, social outlook or traditional upbringing, you do this because you think you want to be on the right side of things. But if you can't please yourself, you'll never please anyone.

The money is good
Given half a choice, I would love to be outside working in an office with people to meet and deadlines to keep but I've had the biggest surgery of my life and I don't have to stay at home and look for work online but I want to. Why? Well, I could risk it all and put my nose to the grindstone (I was after all recently offered a job I wanted) but then what, if it's too soon and I have rushed into it, my shunt malfunctions and I get another? We work because of money, we need money because we need food and other necessities. How much food and how good are the quality of our necessities depends on what you want to work as not what you have to work as. Some of us get lucky, we end up happy with our choices and some of us, we realise our choices aren't what we thought, that doesn't make our decision any less of a choice.

One day, I'll use it
Some people use memories as an excuse for the way they clutter their lives. "I have to keep this because it belonged to .." What if the item is a big, moldy cupboard which is susceptible to termites? Would you keep it then? Keep what you need. Use what you keep. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sentimentalist as well but there's a big difference between keeping a piece of your history to cluttering your house with things you don't even know exist in the first place. To look at it from a different viewpoint, if you really are that noble, think of the people you can help by giving them the things you don't need or even better, think of the much you can raise by selling these items?

So, think of it, every time you keep telling yourself you "have to" do something, you're not coaching yourself to do better, you're just weighing yourself down with choices that you can change or make better. Better still, remember these three things - Apple, Google, Mickey Mouse. There. Three things that didn't have to be.