Shining Imperfections

By Pandora Poikilos

Someone recently asked if everything was going okay between Peas and I because I hadn't updated "I Love You Because..." in quite awhile. When I said, we haven't fought, I've just been busy with the other things on the blog, she wanted to know how to keep a relationship free from fights or more appropriately 'misunderstandings'. Honestly, and I speak for myself, you can't. If someone else has this figured out differently, do tell?

See, brain surgery or not, Peas and I have our moments too, Just yesterday, Stubbly and I had him saying, "Babe, you have me banging my head again." What had happened was, I had gone off for a nap because Stubbly was intent on acting up and then woke up with an even further intent of being in a really bad (okay, foul) mood and taking it out on guess who?

It's easy to think your pain encompasses the whole world and to go sit in a corner, whimpering like a wounded puppy. It's one thing when someone doesn't understand what you are going through or when someone keeps going at you like they want to win the next Constant Critic Of The Year Award but it's a whole different thing when you visibly see and feel a person reaching out to you and for you. You see, there's just not many of them around and when you cannot put your pain aside and see this amazing person in front of you, you're dragging yourself down even further. Yes, they'll drive you up the wall, sometimes.

Peas has some episodes of "be back in a bit" and that means a good 5 hours (or more) with the guys without calling to say he'll be late but guess what, I have my share of constant episodes too. I sometimes dwell on issues that don't need dwelling on, I get so far ahead of myself that I can't remember what the starting point was and I can a be a horrible listener.

Being in recovery for whatever surgery doesn't mean lie down and behave like the world is on your shoulders, I have found it's dotted with little opportunities to do other things like find a new hobby, clean up things you were previously putting off, remembering that your body can and will tell your mind to slow down, getting your priorities in order and most of all, about appreciating the ones who are with us in this constant fight of bad days.

When I first came home after surgery, I couldn't make it through reading, writing and talking for more than an hour. Everything hurt. He was one of the first to spot the difference but never pointed it out in any way that would bring me down. Someone I'm very close to, an aunt, Tin) also noticed the way my right hand had severe problems gripping things like a mug or jar but nobody laughed and said, "Look! Baldie's dropping things again." You don't need to be a genius to know that some people can be very hurtful.

My imperfections were shining bright and yet these are some of the very few people who had their arms open wide for me. It's been less than six months and I have come a long way since then, but I'd be lying to the myself if I said I did it on my own. I was anything but by myself.

We are so accustomed to the comforts of "I cannot", "I don't want to" and "It's too difficult" that we forget in realising when we stop doing things for ourselves and expect others to dance around us, we're not achieving greatness. We've made ourselves weak. Most of all, we are taking the best out of the people we love and using them for things they are not meant to be doing.

So, there will be a few hiccups. A loud word or two and some very hard stares. But in the words of Sam Keen - You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. There's very few, too few of people like these around, hold on to them and love them back. Sometimes, that's all there is to it.

I wish you, arms to hold you for when you too have moments of shining imperfections.