Just Say Thank You

By Paula Renaye

For a short time, while I was separated and coming to terms with the fact that I was going to be divorced, I did a little substitute teaching in high school. At that same time, I was working fast and furious on myself and my inner demons, and was quite immersed in Caroline Myss' audio program on self-esteem.

One day, I wound up in the home-ec class (no idea what it's called these days) and there was no lesson plan. So, I asked the teacher if I could share the self-esteem material I was working with. She was thrilled at the idea, so I launched into talking about the points that were really hitting home for me and that I had a fair grasp on at the time.

It was a big class, but the kids (girls and boys) became interested in the message really quickly—they really got into it. (I wish every high school made a self-esteem class mandatory!)

At one point, however, someone came into the room and delivered retake photos. Of course, those who got them, wanted to see them and they started talking. A girl near the front was looking at her photos and scowling, but her friends were saying how great they were. Every time a friend would give a compliment, the girl would explain how the friend was wrong and how the photos were really awful.

When I'd heard enough, I stopped them and gave a short lecture on arguing with someone who gives you a compliment. I explained that if someone says "that's a cute dress," you do not say "oh, this old thing." Nor do you launch into a dissertation on how you got it at the thrift store for 75 cents. No, you simply say "thank you."

I told them that by refusing to accept the compliment, not only were they minimizing themselves, they were devaluing the person giving it. "Furthermore," I said, "by refuting the statement, you're effectively saying that the person was stupid for suggesting that your cheap thrift store dress is nice. Stop it! Nobody asked where it came from or how much you paid for it. Your friend simply shared her spontaneous appreciation of something you selected—she liked it, she liked your choice—and you better not let your insecurities reject her kindness. You better be respectful and have the good manners to accept the compliment."

I was a little tough, sure, but I made my point, and I followed it up with an appropriate pep talk about loving yourself and such. They were highly attentive until the bell rang. As the class filed out, I don't know what was said, all I saw was one girl whack another on the shoulder and say, "Just say thank you." Yeah, I got a little choked up to realize that they really had heard what I'd said. Yes, it had mattered that I took the time to talk to them about these simple life matters.

So, when you have the chance to make a difference, take it.

When you think of something nice to say, say it.

And when somebody gives you a compliment…

Just say "thank you."

And live your joy!