The Dark Side of Joy

By Paula Renaye 

When I was working at a job I hated, Friday couldn’t come soon enough. I couldn’t wait to have two full days to devote to what I really wanted to be doing—my real work and passion, which is exactly what I am doing as I write this. And as you can probably tell, I absolutely love what I do. But, there is a dark side to this joy.

In the old days, five o'clock couldn't come soon enough on any day, but especially on Fridays when I could go to be without dreading what the next day would bring. But, then I'd blink twice and it would be Sunday, half of which I wasted wishing Monday didn't have to come. 

The last months I was at that job, my stomach churned constantly and it took all I had to get out of bed in the morning and drag myself through the door. I tried my very best to remain positive, chipper and smiling. I kept my clients happy, but in many ways I had been gone for a very long time before my last day actually arrived. 

Now that I’m doing what I love full time, my "problems" are considerably different. I certainly don't dread Monday because it is no different than Friday or any other day. Wednesday does still get my attention, however Hump Day no longer signals relief that Friday’s almost here to free me from the misery called work. Now, it’s the total opposite and I get a little panicky because Friday is coming too soon and I still have so much I want to do. There are simply not enough hours in any day, and weeks seem to vanish in the blink of an eye. 

I'm really not complaining. You couldn't pay me to go back to those days where time dragged on and I felt I had no options but to endure. And since I don't have a time machine so I can go back and have a tough love intervention with myself to nip the nonsense in the bud early, I am making up for lost time today. So, if you know where I can find a magic week where I can pack about 10 years of work--and 20 years of fun--into seven days, please let me know. If I could do that, I think I’d be caught up to where I want to be. I think if I could do that, I'd be satisfied. 

Okay, we both know it wouldn’t. I'd just want another magic week and more time. Because here's the deal, feeling happy and joyful is addictive. It's like the best drug ever--I just can't get enough. And woe be unto anyone who tries to stand in my way of having it. 

In fact, I had a mini-meltdown recently when I found myself around people who were focused on fear and what is wrong in the world. I did okay for a little while--a very little while--but I'm not an enlightened master so I wasn't able to just be a positive Zen bubble in a sea of negativity. I understood that these people needed their fear--it's what gives them purpose--but the more I tried to be polite and endure, the worse I felt. I wasn't angry; I just felt this incredible dissonance inside. It became so bad that I literally fled the scene--that's the only way to put it. The more distance I put between me and the situation, the better I felt. Before long I had my peace, serenity and happiness back. I was back to myself.

And that my friends, is the dark side of joy. It's like spiritual crack. Once you get hooked, you just want more and more. And you will never ever allow anyone or anything to take it from you ever again.

Former eggshell-walker, emotionally-bankrupt wreck and utter failure at keeping her world from falling apart, Paula Renaye uses her journey out of despair into joy as a breadcrumb trail for others. Paula is a certified professional coach, empowerment speaker and multi-award-winning author of The Hardline Self Help Handbook. Visit http://hardlineselfhelp.com 

Get a FREE Download of Paula Renaye's latest ebook: Tweet-able Tough Love Quotes from Smashwords here: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/94255. These quotes are all formatted to fit the 140-character space and you may use them freely. The book also includes 3 articles and 5 Hardline how-to exercises. Get it for free now!