Sounds like a hot romance novel, doesn't it? Can't you just see the plucky princess, her hair billowing in the breeze as she waits for the strong-willed but good-hearted rebel rogue to approach? (Insert sound of fantasy coming to a screeching halt.) The two characters I’m talking about are both me--the two voices in my head that have called the shots for most of my life: the archetypes of the Princess and the Rebel.
The conversations went something like this:
P: "Oh, I can't wait for my Prince Charming to rescue me, love me and take care of me forever in our happily ever after."
P: "Oh, I can't wait for my Prince Charming to rescue me, love me and take care of me forever in our happily ever after."
R: "Hey, Cupcake, that little scenario sounds like a prison sentence to me. I don’t know what you're thinking, but nobody's going to be telling me what to do. Furthermore, anything some man can do, I can do better, just watch me!"
P: "You hush that silly talk. You act like that and nobody is going to love us."
My brain jumped back and forth between these viewpoints so fast that it all blurred together into one big, runaway crazy-train. I can only image how it looked from the outside.
Rebound Guy, the glorious teacher (and fellow rebel) I latched onto after my 25-year marriage ended, used to say that my thoughts bounced around like a ping pong ball. I found it highly offensive, and quite frankly, that was how I felt about him too. One minute he'd say one thing then turn right around and say or do something that was totally at odds with it. Who was he to be pointing fingers at me? Talk about mutual lessons!
There are positive aspects to these archetypes, too, of course. Rebel has served me well in so many ways. I have a long list of "impossible" things I've done thanks to her blind determination. "Go ahead and tell me I can't. I'll show you!" As Holly Hunter rebelliously vowed to George Clooney in O Brother Where Art Thou? (one of my favorite movies), "I can, I will and I am!" However, it also kept me needing something to rebel against and overcome so I could feel good about myself (my value, worth, competence, abilities, intelligence, talents, whatever).
On the positive side, Princess added softness, appreciation of beauty, an understanding of the need for compromise and the willingness to risk loving. Unfortunately, she was willing to risk everything to somehow extract from her Rescuer what she couldn't give herself.
It's a complicated interweaving from all angles, of course, but I love looking at why we do what we do from the archetypal lens. Our greatest character attributes also hold the capacity to be our greatest flaws, so exploring those gives us a different way to discover the underlying limiting beliefs and programming that have kept us stuck in confusion and frustration.
Once we understand the positive and negative aspects of our true nature, we can turn those attributes to our advantage. Not only can we stop the internal squabbling, we can use our strengths to compensate for our weaknesses to create an effective team that works together toward what we really want--joy.
I love having the happy Rebel to call on to handle the seemingly impossible tasks, but I am no longer driven to constantly prove myself. I enjoy the girly ways of the Princess, and I occasionally still indulge myself with one of her amusing romantic fantasies, but I neither need nor want to be rescued and I know that my happiness is up to me.
The two voices in my head that were once mortal enemies have grown up and are now best friends that support each other. When Rebel feels threatened and insecure and slips into the shadows, proclaiming she doesn't need anyone or anything, the Princess helps her remember it's okay to let others help from time to time. And when the Princess feels overwhelmed and afraid, the Rebel reminds her of all the things she's done for herself and how strong and capable she really is.
Just like any great relationship, together they are more than the sum of their individual assets. And that is way better than any fictional fantasy.
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Former eggshell-walker, emotionally-bankrupt wreck and utter failure at keeping her world from falling apart, Paula Renaye uses her journey out of despair into joy as a breadcrumb trail for others. Paula is a certified professional coach, empowerment speaker and multi-award-winning author of The Hardline Self Help Handbook. Visit http://hardlineselfhelp.com Get a FREE Download of Paula Renaye's latest ebook: Tweet-able Tough Love Quotes from Smashwords here: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/94255. These quotes are all formatted to fit the 140-character space and you may use them freely (as long as you give me credit--or blame). The book also includes 3 articles and 5 Hardline how-to exercises. Get it for free now!
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