Sunday, 25 December 2011

Who Are You Trying to Convince, Me or You?

By Paula Renaye

In my work, I come across a lot of people who are emotionally where I used to be—miserable, living a lie and swearing it isn’t so. In the past few days, three women have stood out as beautiful snapshots of the pain and fear that I stayed trapped in for so long.

They think they’re putting on a good front, will tell you how happy they are and rattle off a well-honed list of reasons why. Of course, people who are truly happy generally don’t feel compelled to provide supporting evidence of it, they just are. So when someone starts detailing the situations that prove they’re happy, I can’t help but ask, "Who are you trying to convince, me or you?"

The answer, of course, is both. When the lies we’ve told ourselves start slipping, we need outside reinforcement to keep them in place. Getting others to agree with our version of reality gives us permission to avoid facing the real truth—and the possibility of it changing our lives—for a little while longer.

However, you can’t live indefinitely in that place of pretending you have what you want and fearing what will happen if you admit you don’t. At some point there will be a reckoning.

It’s a special hell being stuck in that limbo between yearning for wings to set you free and being terrified of losing what’s keeping you trapped.

That deep desire to let the real you come out and dance naked in front of the whole world, not caring what anyone thinks is at war with the indescribable fear of what will happen if you do.

If you acknowledge your true nature and desires and set them free, will life as you know it shatter right before your very eyes and leave you utterly alone and unloved?

Who can take that chance? Who can stand here and say, yes, I’m willing to risk losing everything that has defined me? Who can say I’m willing to finally let me be me and live authentically and congruently no matter what the cost? Who can do that? Who will do that?

We must all do that.

Until we are willing to be honest with ourselves and honor who we truly are and what we want, we can never really be happy. We can only list the reasons we think we should be and then pretend they’re true.

Just as the caterpillar must be willing to allow everything that made it a caterpillar to be dissolved away into goo so that it can be transformed into a glorious butterfly; we too must allow ourselves to be deconstructed so we can be rebuilt authentically without the illusions, delusions and limitations of our past.

There is no other way.

And all you have to do is be willing to let go of the very things you are arguing so hard to keep—those things you think should make you happy. All you have to do is be willing to allow your own transformation. All you have to do is get out of your own way.

It’s time. May these quotes inspire you to step into your chrysalis. It’s the only way to find your wings…and live your joy!

* * * *
The Hardline Self Help Handbook is now on sale through and Barnes and Noble. There's also a special 30% discount coupon code for the ebook on If you've had enough of the same old stuff and are ready to set your compass on happy, here's your chance. Hardline is a lifeline--get yours now and get one for a friend too! 

FREE CONFERENCE CALL: Ever wanted to ask me  a question and chat for a while? Here's your chance! This Thursday, December 15, 7 pm US Central Time (GMT - 6 hrs) (1 am London), I'll  cut to the chase and give you the straight scoop. Call (760) 984-1000 (USA) and enter access code: 355122#. It's totally FREE! You pay only your own normal phone minutes or long distance charges that you would if you called a friend. Let's chat!


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Books Sold - 6 Nov 2011 to 31 May 2012

Some of you have asked me for my total number of books sold to evaluate KDP Select so here it is. Bear in mind, that results will vary based on genre and author. Good luck and remember, Keep Moving Forward.

Total - 120,836

1. Excuse Me, My Brains Have Stepped Out
Amazon Kindle - 42,559
Paperback -
Smashwords -

2. Frequent Traveller
Amazon Kindle - 35277
Paperback -
Smashwords -

3. Dora's Essentials - Books, Blogs & Smiles 1
Amazon Kindle - 462
Smashwords -

4. Mirror Me Martha (Short Story)
Amazon Kindle - 281
Smashwords -

5. Drive On Hope (Short Story)
Amazon Kindle - 190
Smashwords -

6. Blog-A-Licious Directory 2012
Amazon Kindle - 1
Smashwords -

7. Pandora's Reading Room 1
Amazon Kindle -
Paperback - N/A

8. The Cat That Barked (Short Story)
Amazon Kindle -

9. Dora's Essentials - Examining Anxiety
Amazon Kindle -

10. Dora's Essentials - Books, Blogs & Smiles 2
Amazon Kindle -

11. Elevenses from Around the World
Amazon Kindle -

12. Genetically Modified Foods vs. Sustainability
Amazon Kindle -

Blog-A-Licius - Sherbet Blossom



Dealightfully Frugal

Blog-A-Licious - The Few, The Proud, The Wife


My Soul Slippers

Blog-A-Licous - Textbook Mommy

Blog-A-Licious - Blue Frogs Legs

Blog-A-Licious - Pretty All True

Pretty All True

Blog-A-Licious - tbaoo



Powered by

Blog-A-Licious - The Invisible Art

Blog-A-Licious - Rediscovering Domesticity

Rediscovering Domesticity

Blog-A-Licious - Quiver Full

Blog-A-Licious - Cori's Big Mouth

Blog-A-Licious - Great Fun


Blog-A-Licious - Busy Wife

Blog-A-Licious - Steps To Happiness

Powered by

Blog-A-Licious - Toby & Max

Blog-A-Licious - Amelie

Raising Amelie

Blog-A-Licious - Peas In A Pod

Blog-A-Licious - Riley

Blognostics - Poetry


My Awards - September 2010

My Awards - September 2010
Awarded By Jo Frances

My Awards - May 2011

My Awards - May 2011
Awarded By Alejandro Guzman

My Awards - May 2011

My Awards - May 2011
Awarded by Kriti Mukherjee

My Awards - April 2011

My Awards - April 2011
Awarded By Roy Durham

My Awards - June 2011

My Awards - June 2011
Awarded By Sulekha Rawat

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