Paula Renaye - Do You Have Clarity?

by Paula Renaye

Do you have clarity? It’s a fair question, but one that begs another: About what? 

You might be completely clear about where you are in one area of life and totally clueless about another. Your relationships—romantic, family and otherwise—may be fantastic, but you may feel unfulfilled in your work and have no idea how to fix it. Or, vice versa. Or, you may have a totally different area where you just can’t see the forest for the trees. Whatever the case, the way to get clarity about a situation might not be exactly what you think it would.

For me, there was a time in the not-so-distant past when about the only thing I had a clear bead on in my life was survival, whatever that meant in the moment. Whether it was mental, physical, emotional or financial survival, or all the above, the best I could hope for was to see some way to make do, to keep going and just “get through it.” It isn’t a fun way to live. And ultimately, it took not being able to make do—not being able to find a way to tolerate—that pushed me toward clarity. 

I thought I had been dutifully, valiantly, and certainly desperately, seeking answers for my problems, but it turns out, all my frantic “tell me what to do” pleas were really just a way to avoid facing the truth. I didn’t really want clarity; I wanted an excuse I could live with so I didn’t have to make any changes in my life. I knew what I needed to do, I just didn’t want to do it—or deal with what would happen if I did. I wasn’t ready for clarity.

For example, as long as I kept looking for other options to solve my relationship problem—besides actually getting out of it, of course—I didn’t have to face the reality that there was nothing that was going to “fix” what was really wrong.  

If you’ve read Living the Life You Love, you know that not being married or not having a man in my life meant death to my subconscious belief system. So, regardless of what I said consciously about wanting to know what to do—wanting clarity—that deeper part of me would do anything to avoid it and the consequences thereof. 

What do you need clarity on in your life? Are you asking the same questions over and over, but getting nowhere? Where and when do you feel like you hit a brick wall when you try to move forward or find peace? If you had an all-knowing wise being standing before you right now that you could ask what to do about it, what would you say? 

Turns out you do have a wise being to turn to—you—so give this a try. Complete the following sentences, using as many words as you need to. Be sure to write down every thought that comes up:

Please tell me what to do about___________________.

I am so tired of not knowing what to do and feeling ___________________.

I really want to feel ___________________ and be able to ___________________.

If I had a magic wand, I would ___________________.

There is no good solution for my problem because ___________________.

The one solution for my problem that I do not want to consider is ___________________, because ___________________.

If I didn’t have this problem, I would be happy because ___________________.

I can’t promise you’ll get total clarity from answering these questions, but I can promise that you’ll get some. And, you may even get some insights into a deeper issue that you need to deal with. 

Remember, the only way out is through, so don’t avoid what makes you cringe. Face it head on and clear it. And, of course, if you need professional help, please get it.

Do what you need to do and starting living a life you truly love today!

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Paula Renaye is a tough love media expert, empowerment coach, transformational speaker and five-time award-winning author. Her new acclaimed self-improvement book, Living the Life You Love: The No-Nonsense Guide to Total Transformation, received a starred review and critics’ pick from Kirkus Reviews and is available at your neighborhood or online bookstore. For more articles and information, visit www.paularenaye.com.