Paula Renaye - You Just Can’t Trust People

You Just Can’t Trust People!
by Paula Renaye 

You’ve probably heard it said that you just can’t trust people. It’s true, but maybe not in the way you’d think. 

Sure, we’ve all had our trust betrayed, and it wasn’t a fun experience. Some of us even came away so jaded we find it hard to trust anyone for anything anymore. And yet, we trust all the time. We trust other drivers to stay in their lane and obey traffic signals. Some don’t, but most do. We trust that when we open a box that it contains what it says on the label. Again, most do, but some have deliberately misleading labels with catchy buzzwords that try to trick us into buying.

It’s the same with people, and sometimes we see and hear what we want to rather than what’s really there. I sure did in relationships. I entrusted my whole being—my mental, physical, emotional and financial well-being—to another person, and yet I never ever trusted him to do the right thing on his own. What’s up with that?
Trust comes from expectation and experience. If your experience is that all men cheat—or want to—you’ll have a hard time trusting any man not to cheat on you. However, you may completely trust that same man to be financially responsible. Of course, you’ll attract what you expect too, and that’s where the real problem comes in—attracting a man who is untrustworthy and expecting him to be otherwise. Compounding the issue is that you actually can trust him in some situations—just not all, and maybe not even the ones that are most important to you.

My friend and colleague, corporate trainer C. W. Miller, explains trust this way: “Our level of trust varies according to individuals and situations. I wouldn’t trust a jet pilot to perform brain surgery. I wouldn’t trust an eight year old to catch me if I fell from a chair, but I may well trust a professional football player to make that catch.”

Trusting someone who wasn’t capable of meeting my expectations wasn’t his problem, it was mine. How could I possibly trust someone to “catch” me when he couldn’t do it for himself? To be fair, I didn’t realize that at first—actually, I didn’t want to. I wanted so badly to be loved and cared for that I bought the hype on the package and deliberately refused to read the rest of the label—I saw what I wanted to.

The bottom line is you don’t look to someone else to give you what you haven’t given yourself. You also don’t trust others to give you what they can’t give themselves or what they simply aren’t capable of.
For me, trust and respect go hand in hand. You have to trust and respect yourself before you can expect anyone else to. And if you do, you won’t put up with someone who doesn’t.

Pretty simple, isn’t it?

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Paula Renaye is a tough love media expert, empowerment coach and transformational speaker. Critics call her new self-improvement book, Living the Life You Love: The No-Nonsense Guide to Total Transformation, “A self-help guide with real-world value and applicability, which proves it’s never too late to grow up. ...profound, useful insights and strategies … deeply human, compassionate and supportive.” Kirkus Reviews (starred review, critics’ pick) To learn more about Paula and her work and read more articles, visit www.paularenaye.com.